Today I've given myself a moment and I've cried. I've cried for all she has gone through, for all she has lost.
Today, my sister-in-law buries her infant. A child she only got to spend 40 minutes of life with. While I am grateful she got those precious 40 minutes, I am also sad. Yes, we knew that she was a sick little girl and weren't even sure she would be born alive....but that doesn't lighten the situation at all.
The fact remains - one day that precious little girl was kicking her mommy for all she was worth and then just a few days later, this proud mommy was leaving the hospital with a box full of memories and pictures of a little angel girl. Where is the fairness in that? It just isn't fair!
I cry for her, and for all mothers who have lost their children. I know that she has faith and the prayers of all of us will help see her through this hard time. But still, I cry for her - I put myself in her situation and I know that even though she puts on such a brave front, she is dying inside - she is screaming at her God for how unfair this is - why her?? Because it's not fair, it's just not fair! I know (from other mommy friends that experienced this type of a loss) that even though the grief subsides, it never goes away - I know she may struggle greatly when people ask her about her "child" or "children" - for this little girl IS her child and always will be.....but she may struggle with how often she wants to open those floodgates and launch into a full explanation as to why her angel girl isn't here anymore. I know that while she will feel happy for those that are pregnant or have infants, she may also experience the hurt and jealousy that THEY are able to hold their infants (in their tummy and/or arms) while hers is gone to heaven. She may look at the mom with an infant that is complaining of getting no sleep, or colic, or teething and think to herself...."I would gladly give up that sleep to hold MY baby just one more time!"
My 80+ year old great grandmother said at my grandfather's funeral: "It's wrong, it's just not right....a mother should not have to bury her child." She is right. It IS wrong - whether that child is a newborn or 60+ years old or anywhere inbetween - a mother should NOT have to bury her child.
I was crying on the phone to my mother about my sister-in-law's loss....she told me that on her deathbed this same great-grandmother asked my grandma to "not forget her baby" - as she, herself had lost an infant ... a child grabs that special spot in a mom's heart and never lets go.....
Edited to add: I went to Church this morning and there was a huge send off for the 6th graders. Father said this: "...we must look forward and keep God in our sights - for he has a "mission" for all of us - when Jesus came to earth, he lived his life and fulfilled his mission."
I could only weep silent tears....for as short as my little niece's life was, she fulfilled her mission that God had given her. We may not know what it was....but she completed her mission!
Today, my sister-in-law buries her infant. A child she only got to spend 40 minutes of life with. While I am grateful she got those precious 40 minutes, I am also sad. Yes, we knew that she was a sick little girl and weren't even sure she would be born alive....but that doesn't lighten the situation at all.
The fact remains - one day that precious little girl was kicking her mommy for all she was worth and then just a few days later, this proud mommy was leaving the hospital with a box full of memories and pictures of a little angel girl. Where is the fairness in that? It just isn't fair!
I cry for her, and for all mothers who have lost their children. I know that she has faith and the prayers of all of us will help see her through this hard time. But still, I cry for her - I put myself in her situation and I know that even though she puts on such a brave front, she is dying inside - she is screaming at her God for how unfair this is - why her?? Because it's not fair, it's just not fair! I know (from other mommy friends that experienced this type of a loss) that even though the grief subsides, it never goes away - I know she may struggle greatly when people ask her about her "child" or "children" - for this little girl IS her child and always will be.....but she may struggle with how often she wants to open those floodgates and launch into a full explanation as to why her angel girl isn't here anymore. I know that while she will feel happy for those that are pregnant or have infants, she may also experience the hurt and jealousy that THEY are able to hold their infants (in their tummy and/or arms) while hers is gone to heaven. She may look at the mom with an infant that is complaining of getting no sleep, or colic, or teething and think to herself...."I would gladly give up that sleep to hold MY baby just one more time!"
My 80+ year old great grandmother said at my grandfather's funeral: "It's wrong, it's just not right....a mother should not have to bury her child." She is right. It IS wrong - whether that child is a newborn or 60+ years old or anywhere inbetween - a mother should NOT have to bury her child.
I was crying on the phone to my mother about my sister-in-law's loss....she told me that on her deathbed this same great-grandmother asked my grandma to "not forget her baby" - as she, herself had lost an infant ... a child grabs that special spot in a mom's heart and never lets go.....
Edited to add: I went to Church this morning and there was a huge send off for the 6th graders. Father said this: "...we must look forward and keep God in our sights - for he has a "mission" for all of us - when Jesus came to earth, he lived his life and fulfilled his mission."
I could only weep silent tears....for as short as my little niece's life was, she fulfilled her mission that God had given her. We may not know what it was....but she completed her mission!
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